David Maddox Heideparkstr.10

Nr.997273                                                                                                                     01099 Dresden

2 TG Essay                                                                                                                   06.09.2005

WT Schule Dresden

 

 

Slave to: under a dominating influence, helpless victim, absolute obedience. Emotions: the part of a persons character that consists of feelings as opposed to thoughts. Source: Oxford English dictionary.

Emotions are probably the strongest things known to man, they have built empires and relationships, created masterpieces, changed and improved lives and adversely, they have started wars and destroyed everything we have ever valued.

 

Most of us have over time got into a so called rut with our emotions, we have made compromises at different stages of our lives and lost a little of that passion and intensity.

Ask most people what emotions they have on a regular basis and they might say they have loved and hated a little and the rest was OK It doesn’t really cover the spectrum of emotions that exist; disappointment, hurt, anger, fear, loneliness, discomfort, frustration, guilt, inadequacy, stressed out, we all know these ‘negative’ emotions only to well. But then there is love and warmth, appreciation, and gratitude, excitement and passion, determination and flexibility, confidence and vitality, cheerfulness and contribution to name but a few ‘positive’ ones.

Throughout our life we live and experience emotions, some people come through this all relatively unscathed, and most have emotional scars of some sort. People are ’wired’ to associate emotions with a certain pattern or behaviour, so-called emotional triggers, it could be anything, a favourite song, a child’s smile, an un-returned call, the tone of someone’s voice, the weather or the way someone moves/ walks etc. These are all based on our past experiences.

I consider myself as one of the lucky ones. I have experienced a wide range of emotions from loss to pure joy, I am most definitely scarred, but in some cases life has given me empowering tools to deal with certain emotional states. The way I act or react to emotions in the future will be determined from how I dealt with them before and more importantly the meanings I decided to give to these past events/ experiences.

 

Who were my role-models? Were they articulate or did they resort to foul language or worse still, violence or both?

My first role-models were the same as most people, my parents, unfortunately they didn’t have the tools available to me now, My father rarely showed emotions and was very much the stiff upper lip type, having a very Victorian upbringing himself. The children were tolerated, but treated or spoken to as equals, that just wasn’t the done thing. He was responsible for the stronger discipline; it was always the threat on my mothers’ lips to wait until your father gets home! The riding crop, the belt and slipper all found a place on my behind in the eleven years my parents were together. For mothers smacking was normal, luckily for me not an everyday occurrence but not unheard of. I think at the time, in the 60’s and 70’s I had a relatively normal childhood.

My next role-model was a particularly gifted football player, George Best, as a player one of the greatest but as a person to look up to…….not so good. Then when I was 11 I started boxing and there was a good local fighter, Dave Boy Green the Fen Tiger, again good boxer but …..same story.

One of my early role-models who has stood the test of time is Muhammad Ali, someone to really look up to but as I am not black I have a little difficulty in relating to his problems but a lot of respect for what he stood up to and for standing firmly by his beliefs, relinquishing his world title when he was at his physical prime; quote; I know where I am going and I know the truth and I don’t have to be what you want me to be. A great showman and diplomat.

Who advised me when I was younger and who/ what were my friends? and the same questions as before, articulate/ violent or both!?. I forgot who said it but there is a lot of truth in the saying that you are your friends, when I was younger I did not think about this selection quite so intensively/at all. Then there was definitely a more physical hooligan element to my life, a typical teenager? maybe, a life revolving around drinking, the pub, the disco, motorbikes, girlfriends and fighting. I find it hard to believe now that my life then could have been so shallow, but it was.

 

What have I improved or changed? I have definitely changed my approach, my strategies, body language and vocabulary; most of these changes have been due to my WT training and the passion to better myself. A really good tip I read somewhere was to ask people I met and respected a quality question; there will always be time for small talk later when perhaps I have a better understanding myself. The question is - Who or what had influenced them? or What had they read?, their favourite book.? This has really broadened my horizons and also helped me on my way to recognising my emotions. I no longer look for confrontation; I prefer to side-step and use WT principles instead.

The key question to ask when a ‘negative’ emotion rears its ugly head is;- what else could this mean? This question has saved me countless sleepless nights and in some case fisticuffs/ altercations.

 

The story that sticks in my mind regarding this question happened about 2 or 3 years ago in a Czech Republic disco, my German friends and I went in fancy dress, as Scotsmen all in kilts and boots. After we had been partying for a while one of my friends came to me and said he was having a problem with an English guy near the dance floor and as he didn’t understand him could I sort it out. Unfortunately for me it wasn’t an English guy but a Scotsman and a very big, drunk one at that. When he heard my southern English accent he became even more abusive and aggressive (that’s part of our history!). the ‘problem’ was that by wearing tartan our kilts were insulting all Scotsmen and their families, ouch.

By now there were a few interested faces watching expectantly to see how the situation would escalate or ‘go off’. Seven years ago I would have had only one option, driven by the emotion of fear, fear that this big, drunk man would knock my head off, not a pleasant thought. The option would be to hit him first and as hard as possible, maybe finishing the job with a barstool or whatever came to hand. Then depending on the outcome;

a)    playing the hero because the guy asked for it, shouting and swearing at me like that,

b) my night ending early, losing my liberty or

c) worst case being seriously hurt myself….. For what?

 

Luckily I had been training WT for 4 or 5 years and a part of the training was and is Blitz Defence. My Sifu, Andreas Gross and my Sihing Perry Otte have brought the street into the school as realistically as possible; both of them more than capable of inducing this emotion of fear. How grateful I was/ am. I was used to people shouting abuse at me and being aggressive, instead of being struck dumb or this fight or flight reaction I used the WT I had learned and asked the question – what else could this mean? Although he was talking a good fight his body language said something else, he was holding his beer glass by its rim, making it practically ineffective as a weapon and his other hand was on his hip, hardly a fighting stance. Nevertheless I had both his arms covered (without contact) and I told him that if he wanted to talk about his real problem (not my kilt) with somebody who spoke his language and understood him, I would be in the disco another 2 hours. With this the man started crying, I took him to one side and he told me of his real problems. His Czech girlfriend having a near fatal car accident and being in intensive care in hospital, his business problems in Czech Republic and his problems communicating and concentrating at work.

 

Thanks to WT training I not only gained a friend but also the control over my fear emotion.

Fear is often seen as a ‘negative’ emotion but I have come to respect it and treat it as my friend. Fear tells me one thing and it is something very important; prepare. Fear is not an emotion to be ignored or avoided, sticking my head in the sand or hiding behind alcohol or drugs, it has to be dealt with immediately. We all have to deal with fear in some way every day, not just in the physical sense but the emotional pressure it can put on us at work - will I have a job next week?, in our relationships - will this person be in my life tomorrow? financial - can I really afford it and how will it affect me short or long term?. What can be comfortable in the short-term is never comfortable long-term. Kill the monster when it is small, nip it in the bud and hit it first before it has had time to prepare. All super sayings or tips. I must listen to the message that fear is telling me instead of panicking and running; communicate with the bank, your lover, the boss and you can stop living in fear but living with fear as it is your friend. Quickly you see the advantage of slaying the little dragon! The threat or fear of attack is always far worse than the attack itself. A good physical example of this is to seat the biggest person in the school on a chair and starting from 2 metres away to standing next to him try to stop him standing up and attacking you. If you approach all of your fears in the first moment that you recognise this uncomfortable feeling, life can be so much sweeter. Stop procrastinating!! or in the words of Nike "Just Do it".

 

When I took this way of thinking a stage further there really are no ‘negative ‘ emotions like I listed earlier, they are all my friends, telling me to do something to turn a situation around, to take action. As Sigung said in one of his editorials, I cannot change the person or the situation but I can change how I react or think about it, learning to let go of my old less empowering thinking patterns or my self-destructive force. Tony Robbins, an American motivation expert, says; Change my perception or my procedure. There really are no exceptions, when I apply these principles I make every emotion a learning experience.

Often when I am feeling annoyed, hurt or angry it’s because somebody has violated some rules of mine that I did not communicate properly in the first place. The rules and standards that I live my life by are not universal and to expect or assume that everybody plays by my rules would be to say the least a little unrealistic.

By asking myself the right questions like above or what have I done to cause this reaction? I have found a way to defuse my ‘negative’ emotions and change them into something empowering. Only yesterday I arranged to have a private lesson with my Sihing and I realised that I would be 15 minutes late, I phoned, explained my situation and he said shame but OK. When I arrived he was not there, my first reaction was of annoyance I mean he knew I was coming,.. but then…had I communicated the time properly?, he thought he had time to do something else and I had to wait. Instead of reacting to my first instinct and being upset and staying annoyed I asked myself a quality question and trained alone on my forms for 10 minutes. When my Sihing arrived I could embrace him without the negativity that I had initially created,(my thoughts) and then we trained normally, without all the petty accusations, you said... blah-blah.

 

 

Frustration, an emotion that in my opinion anyone who practices WT will experience at some stage, is another good friend. It tells me I can do better, I must find a way or ask someone who has experienced it before. That is where training and seminars are so important, remember to leave my ego at home where it cannot obstruct me, then ask my elder WT brothers and sisters or Sifus, they are learning too! Never stop learning, WT pure.

Inadequacy, an emotion that I experienced often when I first started with my WT, everybody was so much better than me. Or so I thought, inadequacy normally tells me that I am not being realistic and how I am measuring myself needs to be changed. Compare yourself to anybody who has done anything 2 years longer or more (especially at the beginning) and you will feel inadequate. Inadequacy tells me to - get real, change my standpoint or the tool that I am measuring myself with needs to be more appropriate. Because of this feeling of inadequacy I continued with my old boxing training (for 2 years, I had a big ego), I needed the emotional crutches for my ego that said or told me and the world(or so I thought), that I was somebody and not a completely uncoordinated fool. After training WT intensively for the last 5 years I say now with pride that I am a completely uncoordinated fool but... I am learning so it can not be all bad.

Regret or guilt emotions are also there to serve a purpose, this very uncomfortable feeling tells me that I have violated my own rules and that I have to clean up my act, never to repeat it and learn from what I just did. Often in the past I spent too much time in guilt, my wife, the divorce, the children, work etc.

The regrets made me feel like a second-class citizen, a failure. I now realise that the only person who decides if I am a second-class citizen or a failure is me, now that really is freedom. All the events in my past where I would say I experienced this emotion have been great life lessons, letting go of all of the bitterness that I associated to them has made me a far better person.

The emotion of loss, was for me by far the hardest to find a powerful meaning for, losing loved ones without really saying that you loved them and making your peace with them. Loss taught me to be grateful for every day that this person is with me and more importantly to show it, to communicate how I feel and stop assuming that the person knows it anyway. Live for the day but also be appreciative of it.

 

Another useful tool for the more ’negative’ powerful emotions has been to change my vocabulary, I try not to hate anything anymore, I prefer something else. Disappointment becomes I expected something else and stressed out becomes a little stretched etc. in the beginning this was strange implementing because when I used the vocabulary I would laugh inside, at how ridiculous it sounded and then of course how ridiculous I was being for reacting the way I did. What is slowly getting easier is the recognition of the emotions, I still need a little time to process these but the time is decreasing. With the recognition comes the freedom from my emotions and not just a knee-jerk reaction.

 

A positive emotional mindset is crucial to handling emotions, far too often I have found myself painting situations blacker than they really were or have warranted. The crazy thing about me is the person who sees/ suffers the most from my negativity (besides me) is my partner. It was the late Sir Peter Ustinov who said that if we treated our friends as we did our partners most of us would be very lonely! I have the very good fortune to have someone who supports and helps me and of course I try to reciprocate. I want a strong and meaningful relationship with my partner and I need to love myself too, asking disempowering questions like; why does it always happen to me? Don’t you love me anymore? etc. only compounds the more challenging emotions and as the saying goes ‘ask a stupid question and get a stupid answer’ At the Italian WT Seminar this year I had the good fortune to get to know Dai-Sifu Andrew Cameron. He told me about the good work he was doing with WT and children in Britain, the Little Dragons. These children really do have super role models and if they can live their lives according to their rules; 1.Have fun,2, Do your best, 3 Never stop improving. the world is going to be a better place and WT has helped them. It has certainly helped me and I have also decided to adopt their rules too.

 

By far the most valuable lesson regarding emotions that has taken me far too long to appreciate was preached to me from my yoga teacher.

Love is the most powerful of all emotions, when I create love in my heart and give love it is always returned, not always immediately it can take time. Love breaks down barriers, it really does. Love heals and it enriches my life and the people around me

 

I spoke in the beginning about my earlier role-models, now I have other role-models; GGM Leung Ting, Sigung, Master Bill, Sifus and Sihings, people I love and respect not only for their physical prowess but for the examples they set, their life mottoes and standards.

Through my interest for WT and the martial arts I have also had my curiosity awakened regarding certain types of religion and their beliefs. Strong influences from the writings from and about Confucius, Buddha, Sun Tzu, Jesus and Miyamoto Musashi. Influence from motivation trainers like Tony Robbins, Susan Jeffers, Joeg Loehr, Birkenbehl and Klaus Kobjoll. Fighters, philosophers and writers like; GGM Leung Ting, Geoff Thompson, Klaus Koch, Lenny Mclean, Sir Peter Ustinov, Phoolan Devi, Ghandi, Dalai Lama and of course my Sigung Keith Kernsprecht.